Vol. MMXXVI · No. 7 ·  
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Lifestyle

Everyone Secretly Just Wants a Nap, a Fair Wage, and to Be Left Alone by the Tip Screen

By JerkCircle Staff · Filed July 16

Our reporters are still developing this story, by which we mean inventing it. Details to follow, or not.

Sources confirmed the above on condition that we never ask them anything again.

A spokesperson did not return our request for comment, our calls, or our affection.

More on this as it fails to develop.

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