Report: You Could Have Afforded a House if You Had Skipped Avocado Toast Starting in 1763
Landmark study assumes a fixed toast price across three centuries and a saver who does not need to exist.
By Dr. Chadwick Sterling, Economics
Section
Business
129 dispatches
Health Insurer Denies Claim for Injuries Sustained While Opening Denial Letter
Paper cut deemed out of network because it occurred at the kitchen table.
By Marcy Tran, Consumer Desk
Tech CEO Lays Off 9,000 Employees by Hologram, Accepts Award for Empathy at Scale
The hologram could not hear or see the people it was addressing.
By Priya Okonkwo, Business
Bank Charges $35 Overdraft Fee, Then $35 Fee for Being Upset About It
The second charge is categorized internally as an Emotional Reconciliation Charge.
By Marcy Tran, Consumer Desk
Company Mandates Return to Office to Boost the Collaboration It Eliminated in Last Round of Layoffs
Employees whose teams now consist of one person are encouraged to collaborate with themselves.
By Priya Okonkwo, Business
CEO Takes Courageous 2 Percent Pay Cut to $39.2 Million
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Celebrates Record Profits With Record Layoffs and One (1) Cake
By JerkCircle Staff
Tipping Screen Now Appears Before Your Order, After Your Order, and in Your Dreams
By JerkCircle Staff
Economists Warn Nation Cannot Afford Another Round of Whatever the Fuck That Was
By JerkCircle Staff
Private Equity Acquires Beloved Local Diner, Beloved Local Diner's Soul
By JerkCircle Staff
Airline Introduces New Fee for Sitting, Standing, and Existing Aboard the Aircraft
By JerkCircle Staff
Corporation Pledges Carbon Neutrality by 2150, Promises to Be Very Sorry Either Way
By JerkCircle Staff
Gig Platform Reclassifies Workers as Lucky, Removes Need to Pay Them
By JerkCircle Staff
Stock Soars After Company Announces It Will Stop Doing the Thing It Was Founded to Do
By JerkCircle Staff
Subscription to Cancel Your Other Subscriptions Now Requires a Subscription
By JerkCircle Staff
Study Finds Trickle-Down Economics Working Perfectly for the Person at the Top of the Trickle
By JerkCircle Staff
Quarterly Earnings Call Interrupted by Brief Acknowledgment of Customers
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Replaces Annual Raise With a Pizza Party, Pizza Also Cut
By JerkCircle Staff
New Credit Card Rewards You With Points Toward a Future Credit Card
By JerkCircle Staff
Firm Announces Hiring Freeze, Executive Bonus Heat Wave
By JerkCircle Staff
Grocery Chain Introduces Shrinkflation, Now Selling You the Idea of an Egg
By JerkCircle Staff
Bank Renames Overdraft Fee a Convenience Charge, Charges Fee to Tell You
By JerkCircle Staff
Startup Disrupts Industry by Doing the Old Thing Worse but on an App
By JerkCircle Staff
CEO Says the Hardest Part of Layoffs Is Having to Read About Them on His Yacht
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Town Hall Promises Transparency, Mutes All Participants
By JerkCircle Staff
Landlord Raises Rent, Cites the Cost of Raising Your Rent
By JerkCircle Staff
Car Dealership Adds Market Adjustment Fee for the Privilege of Being Charged Fees
By JerkCircle Staff
Firm's Diversity Report Released by the Three Guys Named Greg in Charge of It
By JerkCircle Staff
Inflation Falls to 3 Percent, Prices Remain Personally Insulting
By JerkCircle Staff
Customer Loyalty Program Rewards Loyalty With Slightly Slower Decline in Service
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Goes Public, Founder Goes to Space, Workers Go to Lunch on Their Own Dime
By JerkCircle Staff
New Office Perk Is the Door, Which They Will Show You
By JerkCircle Staff
Hedge Fund Bets Against Town, Wins, Buys Town, Closes Town
By JerkCircle Staff
Family of Four Priced Out of Grocery Store, Applies to Rent a Single Egg
Financed at nineteen percent over thirty-six months, with an option to buy.
By Marcy Tran, Consumer Desk
Man Working Two Full-Time Jobs Excited to Learn He Now Qualifies for a Third
Bootstrap Institute says a fourth job, plus not sleeping, could one day cover a doctor.
By Priya Okonkwo, Business
Apartment Listing Requires First Month, Last Month, Security Deposit, and a Small Blood Sacrifice
By JerkCircle Staff
Grocery Receipt Now Longer Than the Lease You Cannot Afford to Renew
By JerkCircle Staff
Eggs Now Sold Individually, Kept Behind Glass, Guarded Like the Crown Jewels
By JerkCircle Staff
Starter Home Reclassified as the Home You Will Also Finish and Die In
By JerkCircle Staff
Health Insurance Now Covers Everything Except Illness, Injury, and Being a Person
By JerkCircle Staff
Deductible So High You Are Technically Uninsured but Paying Monthly for the Feeling
By JerkCircle Staff
Childcare Now Costs More Than the College the Child Also Will Not Afford
By JerkCircle Staff
Ten Years of Student Loan Payments Later, Balance Somehow Up, Lender Calls It a Feature
By JerkCircle Staff
Concert Ticket $80, Fees $240, Actual Seat Still Under Investigation
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Adds Convenience Fee for the Convenience of Handing Them Your Money
By JerkCircle Staff
Motel Beside Highway Adds Resort Fee for the Resort You Are Clearly Not At
By JerkCircle Staff
App Charges Delivery Fee, Service Fee, Small Order Fee, and Asks for a Tip Before You Order
By JerkCircle Staff
Minimum Wage Unchanged Since the Last Time It Meant Anything
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Workers One Emergency Away From the Group Chat Fundraiser
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Cuts 401k Match, Offers Thoughts and Prayers as the New Employer Contribution
By JerkCircle Staff
Retirement Age Raised to Never, Benefits Now Described Internally as a Vibe
By JerkCircle Staff
Bank Adds Fee for Speaking to a Human, Higher Fee if the Human Is Helpful
By JerkCircle Staff
New Car Costs What a House Cost, House Costs What a Small Nation Cost
By JerkCircle Staff
Used Car Now More Expensive Than New Car for Reasons Economists File Under LOL
By JerkCircle Staff
Streaming Bills Now Higher Than the Cable You Cancelled to Save Money
By JerkCircle Staff
Medical Bill Arrives Itemized, One Line Simply Reads For Existing, $4,000
By JerkCircle Staff
Rent Went Up, Wages Did Not, Landlord Understands It Is a Tough Market for You Specifically
By JerkCircle Staff
Self-Checkout Now Asks for a Tip for the Labor of Scanning Your Own Groceries
By JerkCircle Staff
Affordable Housing Lottery Has Worse Odds Than the Actual Lottery, Also Costs More
By JerkCircle Staff
Payday Loan Interest Rate Now Expressed in Scientific Notation
By JerkCircle Staff
Salary Described as Competitive by People Who Have Never Had to Live On It
By JerkCircle Staff
Employer Proud to Offer Unlimited PTO, Meaning You Will Take None of It
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Celebrates You With a Certificate, a Sticker, and Absolutely No Money
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation Discovers It Has Been Tipping 20 Percent to a Screen That Rotates Toward the Kiosk
The kiosk did not perform a service, but it did judge you silently while you decided.
By Marcy Tran, Consumer Desk
Grocery Store Introduces New Small Cart for People Who Can Only Afford to Look
By JerkCircle Staff
Fast Food Value Meal Now $14, Value Located Somewhere in a Prior Decade
By JerkCircle Staff
Homeownership Reclassified as a Hobby for the Wealthy, Like Yachting or Owning Time
By JerkCircle Staff
Two Incomes, No Savings, and a Fridge Full of Condiments and Dread
By JerkCircle Staff
New Job Offers Great Exposure, Which Landlords Have Confirmed They Do Not Accept
By JerkCircle Staff
Insurance Approves the Claim, Then Denies It, Then Bills You for the Paperwork of Both
By JerkCircle Staff
Utility Company Raises Rates to Cover the Cost of Telling You About the Rate Increase
By JerkCircle Staff
Cost of Living Rises, Quality of Living Files a Missing Persons Report
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Proudly Pays Off Credit Card, Immediately Charges the Celebration Dinner to It
By JerkCircle Staff
Employer Announces Wellness Program to Address the Stress of the Wages It Pays
By JerkCircle Staff
Rent Increase Notice Thanks You for Being a Valued Tenant, Effective Immediately
By JerkCircle Staff
Airline Unbundles the Seat, Then the Seatbelt, Then the Concept of Arriving
By JerkCircle Staff
Bank Offers Overdraft Protection, Which Protects the Bank From You Keeping Your Money
By JerkCircle Staff
Pharmacy Charges $600 for Medication That Costs $6 One Country Over
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Freezes Wages, Thaws Executive Compensation Just in Time for Bonus Season
By JerkCircle Staff
New Mortgage Requires 20 Percent Down, 20 Percent Luck, and 20 Percent Inheritance
By JerkCircle Staff
Dentist Recommends a Procedure, a Second Procedure, and a Third Job to Pay for Them
By JerkCircle Staff
Coffee Now $7, Barista Still Paid in the Warm Glow of Community
By JerkCircle Staff
Subscription Auto-Renews at a Price You Would Have Declined if They Had Asked
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Wallets Now Just a Collection of Loyalty Cards and Regret
By JerkCircle Staff
Landlord Lists Closet as Cozy Studio, Includes the Word Charming to Cover the Mold
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Offers Equity, Which Employees Learn Is Worth Exactly a Firm Handshake
By JerkCircle Staff
Grocery Chain Locks Up the Butter, Cheese, and Any Remaining Hope
By JerkCircle Staff
Median Rent Now Exceeds Median Income, Math Described by Officials as Rude
By JerkCircle Staff
New Fee Added to Your Bill, Second Fee Added to Explain the First, Third Fee Pending
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Cancels Every Subscription, Immediately Receives Offer to Subscribe to a Cancellation Service
By JerkCircle Staff
Store Loyalty Program Knows Everything About You Except How to Lower the Price
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Savings Account Achieves the Rare Feat of Making Zero Dollars in Interest and Charging for It
By JerkCircle Staff
Economy Described as Strong by People Who Have Never Once Looked at a Grocery Bill
The stock market hit a record, which the fridge and the rent were reportedly not invited to celebrate.
By Dr. Chadwick Sterling, Economics
Man Does the Responsible Thing, Saves for Years, Watches One Medical Bill Erase All of It
By JerkCircle Staff
Gas Prices Drop Four Cents, Nation Told to Weep With Gratitude
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Offers Financial Wellness Seminar Instead of the Wages That Would Create It
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Emergency Funds Now Just a Credit Card and an Optimistic Attitude
By JerkCircle Staff
Home Priced at Half a Million Described by Agent as a Great Opportunity for the Right Trust Fund
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Compares Insurance Plans, Discovers All of Them Are Just Different Ways to Pay and Get Nothing
By JerkCircle Staff
New Fee for Paper Statements, New Fee for Paperless Statements, New Fee for Asking About Fees
By JerkCircle Staff
Groceries for One Week Now Cost What a Month Cost, Man Suspects Foul Play, It Is Just Tuesday
By JerkCircle Staff
Bank Reports Record Quarter, Attributes Success to the Fees It Invented in the Same Quarter
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Told to Invest in Himself, Self Requires $30,000 in Tuition and Does Not Come With a Guarantee
By JerkCircle Staff
Cost of a Wedding Now Rivals a Down Payment, Couple Chooses the Party Over the House
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation Collectively Realizes the Middle Class Was a Limited-Time Offer
By JerkCircle Staff
Employer Brags About Record Profits in the Same Breath It Denies the Cost-of-Living Raise
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Skips the Doctor to Save Money, Ends Up at the Emergency Room, Saves Nothing, Owes Everything
By JerkCircle Staff
Rent Now Takes 60 Percent of Income, the Other 40 Percent Reserved for Panicking About Rent
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Introduces a Points System, Points Redeemable for the Feeling of Almost Being Valued
By JerkCircle Staff
Man's Grandfather Bought a House on One Salary, Man Cannot Buy the Grandfather's Old Salary
By JerkCircle Staff
Daycare Waitlist Longer Than the Pregnancy, Costs More Than the Delivery, Starts in Two Years
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation Told to Cut Back on Little Luxuries Like Coffee, Housing, and Insulin
By JerkCircle Staff
New Job Pays in Experience, Growth, and the Vague Promise of a Conversation Down the Road
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Finally Gets a Raise, Raise Immediately Consumed by the Rent Increase That Was Waiting
By JerkCircle Staff
Grocery Store Has a Sale, Sale Brings the Price Down to Merely Insulting From Openly Hostile
By JerkCircle Staff
Retirement Calculator Laughs, Closes Tab, Suggests He Simply Keep Working Until the End
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Provides Snacks in the Break Room in Lieu of the Salary to Buy Groceries at Home
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Buys Generic, Buys Store Brand, Buys the Cheapest One, Still Somehow Cannot Get Ahead
By JerkCircle Staff
Airline Charges to Choose a Seat, to Carry a Bag, and to Be Told Any of This in Advance
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Renters United in Dream of One Day Owning the Walls They Are Currently Enriching Someone Else Within
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Realizes His Entire Paycheck Is Just Passing Through His Account on Its Way to Someone Else
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Wins the Rat Race, Discovers the Prize Is Being a More Tired Rat With a Slightly Nicer Wheel
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Reads That Avocado Toast Is Why He Cannot Buy a House, Looks at the House Prices, Laughs Until He Cries
By JerkCircle Staff
Insurance Company Denies Claim, Approves a Letter, Charges for the Stamp, Wishes You Well
By JerkCircle Staff
Grocery Delivery App Adds Fee, Fee, Tip, and a Surcharge for Ordering During a Time That Exists
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Coupons Now Require an App, a Membership, and a Purchase of $200 to Save $1.50
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Told the Job Market Is Great, Applies to 300 Jobs, Hears Back From a Robot That Says Maybe
By JerkCircle Staff
Bank App Congratulates You on Your Balance, Balance Is Four Dollars and a Pending Charge
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Calculates How Long Until Retirement, Calculator Returns a Small Drawing of a Tombstone
By JerkCircle Staff