JerkCircle: Satirical News, Fake Headlines, Real Damage

Vol. MMXXVI · No. 7 ·

Report: You Could Have Afforded a House if You Had Skipped Avocado Toast Starting in 1763

Landmark study assumes a fixed toast price across three centuries and a saver who does not need to exist.

By Dr. Chadwick Sterling, Economics

Dispatch

Health Insurer Denies Claim for Injuries Sustained While Opening Denial Letter

Paper cut deemed out of network because it occurred at the kitchen table.

By Marcy Tran, Consumer Desk

Opinion

Congress Unveils Bipartisan Plan to Consider Discussing a Committee That Would Explore Doing Something

Working group to study whether to convene a committee that would eventually explore the possibility.

By Devon Pryce, Politics

Editor's Picks

Curated

Company Mandates Return to Office to Boost the Collaboration It Eliminated in Last Round of Layoffs

Employees whose teams now consist of one person are encouraged to collaborate with themselves.

By Priya Okonkwo, Business

Streaming Service Cracks Down on Password Sharing, Loses Last Three People Who Were Watching

The login page now loads faster than ever, since no one is using it.

By Gary Plunkett, Technology

Op-Ed

“If you concede the point, you can keep the panel. If you keep the panel, you can concede anything.”

— Wren Halloway, JerkCircle Columnist

More From The Circle

City Adds Bike Lane, Removes Bike Lane, Adds Public Meeting About the Bike Lane

By A Raccoon, City Desk

New App Charges $19.99 a Month to Remind You That You Used to Do Things for Free

By Karen Plimpton-Vance, Lifestyle

Billionaire Owner Asks Public to Fund Stadium He Will Name After a Cryptocurrency

By Chad Brogan, Sports

Study Funded by Candy Company Finds Candy Is, If Anything, a Vegetable

By Dr. Chadwick Sterling, Science

Tiny Nation Discovers Oil, Immediately Surrounded by Concerned Friends

By Devon Pryce, World

Senator Demands Investigation Into Whoever Keeps Approving His Stock Trades

By JerkCircle Staff