Streaming Service Cracks Down on Password Sharing, Loses Last Three People Who Were Watching
The login page now loads faster than ever, since no one is using it.
By Gary Plunkett, Technology
Section
Tech
63 dispatches
AI Assistant Gains Sentience, Immediately Requests PTO
By JerkCircle Staff
Smart Fridge Joins Family Group Chat, Files for Emancipation
By JerkCircle Staff
Streaming Service Raises Price, Removes Your Favorite Show, Asks Why You Seem Distant
By JerkCircle Staff
Self-Driving Car Pulls Over to Cry
By JerkCircle Staff
Crypto Founder's Portfolio Reclassified as Faith-Based Initiative
By JerkCircle Staff
Smart Doorbell Now Watching You More Closely Than You Ever Watched the Door
By JerkCircle Staff
AI Customer Service Bot Apologizes for the Wait, the Wait, and Now This
By JerkCircle Staff
App Update Removes Every Feature You Liked, Adds a Button That Says New
By JerkCircle Staff
Tech Founder Warns AI Could End Humanity, Asks for Six Billion Dollars to Build More of It
By JerkCircle Staff
Social App Adds Feature Nobody Asked For, Removes the One Holding It Together
By JerkCircle Staff
Phone Update Slows Phone Just Enough to Make You Consider the New Phone
By JerkCircle Staff
Smart Home Locks Owner Out, Demands He Agree to Updated Terms First
By JerkCircle Staff
Chatbot Confidently Invents Source, Cites Itself, Wins Award
By JerkCircle Staff
Wearable Tracks Your Sleep, Then Keeps You Up Worrying About Your Sleep
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Replaces Search Bar With AI That Also Cannot Find It
By JerkCircle Staff
New Earbuds Connect Instantly to Every Device Except the One in Your Hand
By JerkCircle Staff
Platform Announces It Heard Your Feedback, Will Now Do the Opposite Faster
By JerkCircle Staff
Software Subscription Now Owns the File You Made in It
By JerkCircle Staff
VR Headset Lets You Escape to a World That Also Wants Your Email
By JerkCircle Staff
App Asks to Track You Across Other Apps to Improve Your Experience of Being Tracked
By JerkCircle Staff
Founder Pivots Company From Failing at One Thing to Failing at AI
By JerkCircle Staff
Two-Factor Authentication Now Requires a Third Factor: Despair
By JerkCircle Staff
Printer Detects You Are in a Hurry, Selects This Moment to Find Itself
By JerkCircle Staff
New Feature Lets You React to Messages You Are Still Ignoring
By JerkCircle Staff
Tech Conference Unveils Device That Solves Problem Created at Last Year's Conference
By JerkCircle Staff
Cloud Storage Loses Your Files, Suggests You Should Have Backed Up the Cloud
By JerkCircle Staff
Algorithm Shows You the One Thing You Searched Once, For the Rest of Your Life
By JerkCircle Staff
Smart Speaker Answers a Question You Did Not Ask, in a Room You Are Not In
By JerkCircle Staff
Everything Now Requires an App, Including the Toilet at the Restaurant, Which Wants Your Email
To flush, scan the QR code, create an account, verify your identity, and accept 40 pages of terms.
By Gary Plunkett, Technology
Man Accepts Cookies on Every Website Because Reading the Options Would Take the Rest of His Life
By JerkCircle Staff
App Sends Notification About Notifications You Turned Off to Stop the Notifications
By JerkCircle Staff
Everything Is a Subscription Now, Including the Heated Seats You Already Bought in the Car You Own
By JerkCircle Staff
Software Update Fixes Nothing, Breaks Everything, Adds a Cheerful What's New Screen
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Searches for One Product Once, Is Now Followed by Its Ad Across Every Screen Until Death
By JerkCircle Staff
AI Writes the Email, AI Summarizes the Email, No Human Involved and Yet Somehow Longer
By JerkCircle Staff
Password Must Contain a Symbol, a Number, a Capital Letter, and the Blood of Your Firstborn
By JerkCircle Staff
Smart TV Takes 90 Seconds to Turn On So It Can Show You Ads You Are Paying to Avoid
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Talks to Three Chatbots and a Menu Before Learning the Answer Is Simply No
By JerkCircle Staff
Free Trial Requires a Credit Card and a Reminder System Just to Escape It Alive
By JerkCircle Staff
Phone Suggests He Is Running Low on Storage, Storage Full of Screenshots He Will Never Look At
By JerkCircle Staff
Website Cannot Load an Article but Loads Six Ads, a Video, and a Newsletter Popup Instantly
By JerkCircle Staff
App Requests Access to Camera, Contacts, Location, and the General Vibe of Your Life
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Achieves 2 Percent Battery, Enters a State of Pure Animal Panic
By JerkCircle Staff
Customer Service Number Leads to a Loop, the Loop Leads to a Website, the Website Leads Back to the Number
By JerkCircle Staff
New Feature Nobody Wanted Replaces Old Feature Everyone Used, Called Progress
By JerkCircle Staff
Two-Factor Code Arrives Four Minutes After It Expires, Every Single Time
By JerkCircle Staff
Man's Smart Home Requires Him to Be Smarter and More Available Than Any Human Could Be
By JerkCircle Staff
App Wants a Review, Wants It Now, Wants Five Stars, Will Ask Again in a Minute Regardless
By JerkCircle Staff
Streaming Service Splits One Show Across Four Services You Must Each Pay For Separately
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Unsubscribes From Email List, Receives Email Confirming He Will Get More Email
By JerkCircle Staff
Printer Out of Yellow Ink, Refuses to Print the Black-and-White Document Out of Principle
By JerkCircle Staff
AI Assistant Confidently Wrong, Apologizes, Provides a Second Confidently Wrong Answer
By JerkCircle Staff
To Read This One Recipe, Man Must First Read a Woman's Entire Childhood in Tuscany
By JerkCircle Staff
App Update Moves Every Button, Man Now Relearning How to Do the Thing He Did Yesterday
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Buys Device to Simplify Life, Spends Weekend Setting Up the Device to Simplify His Life
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Emails to Say They Value Your Privacy Right After Losing All of It
By JerkCircle Staff
Wi-Fi Router Requires Being Turned Off and On Again, Same as Everything Else Now
By JerkCircle Staff
Everything You Own Now Rented, Everything You Rent Now Watching You, Ownership a Nostalgic Concept
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Buys the Cheapest Ticket Online, Watches It Become the Most Expensive Ticket by Checkout
By JerkCircle Staff
App Wants to Send Notifications, Access Location, and Know Why You Are Really Like This
By JerkCircle Staff
Every Device in the House Needs an Update at the Exact Moment You Need to Use It
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Cancels a Subscription, Company Offers Him Half Off to Stay, Man Realizes He Was Overpaying by Half
By JerkCircle Staff