New App Charges $19.99 a Month to Remind You That You Used to Do Things for Free
A premium tier unlocks the ability to turn the notifications off.
By Karen Plimpton-Vance, Lifestyle
Section
Lifestyle
114 dispatches
Wellness Influencer's Parasite Cleanse Reveals the Only Parasite Was the $400 Course
By JerkCircle Staff
Study: Standing Desk Owners 40 Percent More Likely to Mention Standing Desk
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Who Meditates Now Insufferable at New, Calmer Volume
By JerkCircle Staff
Restaurant's New Small Plates Concept Means Small Plates and Large Bill
By JerkCircle Staff
Influencer Announces Digital Detox, Live, Across All Six Platforms
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Who Just Got Into Cold Plunges Now the Only Topic He Has
By JerkCircle Staff
Gym Membership Designed to Be Just Hard Enough to Cancel That You Simply Won't
By JerkCircle Staff
New Diet Asks Only That You Give Up Food, Money, and Your Personality
By JerkCircle Staff
Couple's Destination Wedding a Wonderful Excuse to Make Everyone Spend $3,000
By JerkCircle Staff
Influencer Thanks Followers for the Authenticity She Scheduled Three Weeks Ago
By JerkCircle Staff
Self-Care Now a $90 Candle and Ignoring Your Responsibilities
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Discovers Running, Tells You About It at Your Father's Funeral
By JerkCircle Staff
Hydration Influencer Hospitalized for Being Too Hydrated, Calls It a Journey
By JerkCircle Staff
New Productivity System Requires More Time to Manage Than It Could Ever Save
By JerkCircle Staff
Couple Announces Pregnancy With Photoshoot More Elaborate Than the Delivery Plan
By JerkCircle Staff
Man's Personality Now Entirely the Brand of Truck He Drives
By JerkCircle Staff
Millennial Realizes the Adults Were Never Coming and He Is, Horrifyingly, the Adult Now
He has a drawer for plastic bags and a strong opinion about the correct thermostat setting.
By Karen Plimpton-Vance, Lifestyle
Dating App Match Ends After Both Parties Realize They Only Wanted Someone to Split Rent
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Enters Group Chat, Scrolls Up 400 Messages, Decides This Was a Mistake
By JerkCircle Staff
Wedding Guest Spends $2,000 to Attend Event That Is Somehow About Someone Else
By JerkCircle Staff
Therapy-Speak Now the Only Way Man Can Say He Is Simply Tired and Would Like to Leave
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Sets Boundary, Immediately Apologizes for the Boundary, Offers to Remove It
By JerkCircle Staff
Man's Entire Weekend Consumed by Deciding What to Watch, Watches Nothing, Goes to Bed
By JerkCircle Staff
Gym New Year Resolution Successfully Funds the Gym Through December Without a Single Visit
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's 30-Somethings United by Shared Dream of Simply Lying Down for a Bit
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Buys Book on Productivity, Adds It to Pile of Books on Productivity He Will Not Read
By JerkCircle Staff
Dating Profile Says Loves to Travel, Means Went to One Place Once and Never Recovered
By JerkCircle Staff
Couple's Cozy Night In Ruined by 90 Minutes of Choosing Between Two Restaurants
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Achieves Inbox Zero, Loses It Instantly, Grieves Privately
By JerkCircle Staff
Friend Group Plans Trip Enthusiastically in Chat, Will Never Actually Go
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Buys Plant to Signal She Has Her Life Together, Plant Immediately Dies in Solidarity
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Rediscovers a Hobby, Spends $700 on Gear, Does the Hobby Once
By JerkCircle Staff
Everyone at Brunch Agrees They Are So Busy, Nobody Can Name a Single Thing They Did
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Turns 35, Body Sends Formal Notice That the Warranty Has Expired
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman's Skincare Routine Now Has More Steps Than Her Five-Year Plan
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Says He Will Sleep When He Is Dead, Death Notes It Is Already Getting Closer
By JerkCircle Staff
Couple Moves In Together, Discovers Fundamental Disagreement About the Correct Way to Load Anything
By JerkCircle Staff
Friend Announces He Is Going Off the Grid, Posts About It From the Grid Hourly
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Spends 40 Minutes Finding the Perfect Parking Spot to Save a Two-Minute Walk
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Starts Journaling to Process Feelings, First Entry Is a Grocery List and a Sigh
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation's Introverts Thrilled as Plans Get Cancelled by Someone Else First
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Buys Standing Desk, Now Stands While Doing the Same Nothing He Did Sitting
By JerkCircle Staff
Dating in Your Thirties Now Just Two Tired People Confirming They Are Both Tired
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Vows to Read More, Reads the Same Paragraph Nine Times, Checks Phone
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Curates Aesthetic Morning Routine at 5 a.m., Is Miserable but the Lighting Is Perfect
By JerkCircle Staff
Meeting That Could Have Been an Email Somehow Spawns Three More Meetings
A follow-up was scheduled to discuss the follow-up to the meeting about scheduling meetings.
By Priya Okonkwo, The Workplace
Employee Told to Act Like an Owner, Reminded He Owns Nothing When He Asks for a Raise
By JerkCircle Staff
Coworker Replies All to Company of 4,000 to Say Thanks, Chaos Ensues for Days
By JerkCircle Staff
Office Return Mandate Aims to Recreate the Watercooler Chats Nobody Ever Actually Had
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Puts Time on Calendar to Do Work, Meeting Immediately Scheduled Over It
By JerkCircle Staff
Manager Says Door Is Always Open, Door Is Closed, Manager Is on a Beach
By JerkCircle Staff
Team Building Retreat Successfully Makes Everyone Resent Each Other in a New Location
By JerkCircle Staff
Employee of the Month Award Comes With Parking Spot, Zero Dollars, and Mild Contempt
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Writes Detailed Handover Doc Before Vacation, Returns to Find Nobody Opened It
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Values Painted on Wall Directly Above the Thing Violating All of Them
By JerkCircle Staff
Slack Status Set to Away for Six Hours, Man Working the Entire Time Out of Fear
By JerkCircle Staff
New Hire Onboarding Consists of a Login That Does Not Work and a Wish of Good Luck
By JerkCircle Staff
Employee Praised for Going Above and Beyond, Which Is Now the Regular and Expected Amount
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Attends Optional Meeting, Learns the Hard Way That Optional Meant Mandatory
By JerkCircle Staff
Performance Review Praises Growth, Denies Raise, Suggests He Grow Some More First
By JerkCircle Staff
Office Coffee Machine Broken for Third Week, Morale Located in the Same Puddle
By JerkCircle Staff
Boss Circles Back, Touches Base, Loops In, and Ultimately Says Nothing at Great Length
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Uses One Vacation Day, Returns to 400 Emails and the Question of Where He Was
By JerkCircle Staff
Company All-Hands Announces Layoffs, Then Pivots to a Slide About Company Culture
By JerkCircle Staff
Employee Asked to Be a Team Player on the Team That Just Cut His Backup
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Finishes All His Work, Panics, Hides It So He Is Not Given More for the Same Pay
By JerkCircle Staff
HR Sends Wellness Email at 9 p.m. About the Importance of Logging Off at 5
By JerkCircle Staff
Manager Wants a Quick Word, Quick Word Lasts an Hour and Solves Nothing
By JerkCircle Staff
Company Offers Ping Pong Table in Lieu of the Salary That Would Let Employees Move Out
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Told His Role Is Being Restructured, Correctly Guesses That His Role Is Being Him Leaving
By JerkCircle Staff
Job Description Requires 10 Years of Experience in a Tool That Has Existed for Three
By JerkCircle Staff
Employee Recognized in Newsletter, Recognition Does Not Clear at the Bank
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Puts Out Fire at Work, Is Rewarded With Two More Fires and No Extinguisher
By JerkCircle Staff
Open Office Plan Successfully Ensures No Human Being Can Complete a Single Thought
By JerkCircle Staff
New Parents Told to Cherish Every Moment by People Who Have Clearly Slept Since 2019
The advice arrived at 4 a.m. from a relative who is, crucially, asleep in another state.
By Karen Plimpton-Vance, Lifestyle
Man's Knee Now Predicts Weather, Betrayal, and the Exact Moment He Turned Into His Father
By JerkCircle Staff
Parents Spend College Fund on Childcare So They Can Work to Rebuild the College Fund
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Sneezes Too Hard, Requires Three Days and a Consultation to Recover
By JerkCircle Staff
Toddler's Birthday Party Costs More Than the Wedding, Toddler Will Remember Neither
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Excited to Go to Bed at 9, Realizes This Is Now the Whole Personality
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Bends Down to Tie Shoe, Takes a Moment to Consider What Else He Could Do While Down Here
By JerkCircle Staff
New Parents Google Every Cough at 3 a.m., Diagnose Themselves With Panic Instead
By JerkCircle Staff
Doctor Says the Wait Is Two Months, the Copay Is $80, and the Advice Will Be to Rest
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Turns 40, Receives Unsolicited Newsletter From His Own Lower Back
By JerkCircle Staff
Kid Wants the Expensive Shoes, Parents Explain the Economy, Kid Wants the Shoes More
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Schedules a Doctor, a Dentist, and a Cry, Manages to Attend Only the Cry
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Pulls a Muscle Reaching for the Remote, Files It Under Sports Injury
By JerkCircle Staff
Family Vacation Successfully More Expensive and More Exhausting Than Just Working
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Now Requires a Full Evening to Recover From a Social Event That Lasted Two Hours
By JerkCircle Staff
Baby Formula Costs a Fortune, Sleep Costs Everything, Advice Remains Free and Unhelpful
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Realizes Her Back Hurts Not From an Injury but Simply From Being Alive Now
By JerkCircle Staff
Parents of Teenager Pay for Phone, Food, Room, and the Privilege of Being Ignored
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Stands Up, Makes the Noise, Accepts That the Noise Is Just Part of Standing Up Now
By JerkCircle Staff
Doctor Recommends Reducing Stress, Hands Patient a Bill Guaranteed to Increase It
By JerkCircle Staff
Kid's School Supply List Now Includes Items the School Should Probably Be Buying
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Excited by a Good Nap the Way He Used to Be Excited by an Entire Weekend
By JerkCircle Staff
New Mom Told She Looks Tired by the One Person She Now Has to Not Say Anything Back To
By JerkCircle Staff
Man's Idea of a Wild Night Is Now a Documentary and Being Horizontal by 9:45
By JerkCircle Staff
Braces for One Child Cost More Than the Family Car, Second Child Also Has Teeth
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Cancels Plans, Feels Guilty for an Hour, Then Feels the Deepest Relief of Her Life
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Pays for Gym, Streaming, Storage, and Three Apps He Forgot Exist, Total Located Nowhere Fun
By JerkCircle Staff
Parents Realize the Only Quiet They Get Is the Two Minutes Before Everyone Wakes Up
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Reads Nutrition Label, Puts Item Back, Buys It Anyway Because Everything Is Fine
By JerkCircle Staff
Nation Agrees Everyone Is Doing Their Best, Nation Also Exhausted and Slightly Broke About It
By JerkCircle Staff
Everyone Secretly Just Wants a Nap, a Fair Wage, and to Be Left Alone by the Tip Screen
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Achieves Work-Life Balance by Being Equally Overwhelmed in Both
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman Buys the Nice Olive Oil, Feels Rich for an Hour, Returns to Reality at Checkout
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Says He Is Fine, Man Is Not Fine, Man Simply Does Not Have the Budget for the Alternative
By JerkCircle Staff
Group of Adults Spends Two Hours Deciding on Dinner, Orders the Same Thing They Always Do
By JerkCircle Staff
New Year Resolution to Save Money Defeated Immediately by the Cost of Simply Living
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Finally Relaxes on Vacation on the Last Afternoon, Right Before the Flight Home
By JerkCircle Staff
Woman's Self-Care Sunday Consists of Dread About Monday and a Face Mask She Forgot She Had On
By JerkCircle Staff
Man Realizes His Five-Year Plan Has Been Get Through This Week for Roughly Nine Years
By JerkCircle Staff