A pair of new parents running on ninety total minutes of sleep were reminded this week to cherish every single moment, advice delivered warmly by relatives who have not personally cherished a 4 a.m. moment in over a decade and who are, at the time of the reminder, sleeping soundly.
The parents, who have learned to function on the nutritional value of cold coffee and the adrenaline of a distant cry, thanked the relatives, then quietly calculated that childcare now costs more than their rent, their car, and the college fund they cannot start because of childcare.
Experts confirmed that the moments do go fast, and also that they are extremely expensive, and that the phrase it goes so fast is easiest to say when someone else is paying for it and getting up in the night. The parents have requested that the next person who says sleep when the baby sleeps come over and demonstrate.