Diners at a local restaurant were startled this week to discover that using the restroom now requires downloading an app, creating an account, verifying an email address, and agreeing to a forty page terms of service before the toilet will acknowledge them.
The system, described by its manufacturer as a frictionless smart restroom experience, replaces the previous experience of a door and a handle, which worked for centuries and never once asked for a password. Users who decline to make an account are directed to a competitor, or to nature.
A company spokesperson explained that the data collected, including how long you were in there and your general demeanor, would be used to improve your experience, sold to three partners you have never heard of, and lost in a breach by the end of the quarter.