Vol. MMXXVI · No. 7 ·  
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Farmers Market Vendor's Heirloom Tomato Now Costs More Than the Land It Grew On

By JerkCircle Staff · Filed July 16

Our reporters are still developing this story, by which we mean inventing it. Details to follow, or not.

Sources confirmed the above on condition that we never ask them anything again.

A spokesperson did not return our request for comment, our calls, or our affection.

More on this as it fails to develop.

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