A new study funded entirely by a confectionery conglomerate has concluded that candy, long misunderstood, should be reclassified as a vegetable, or possibly a vitamin, or whatever the funding requires.
The lead researcher, who asked that we not look too closely at the acknowledgments section, said the findings were robust, peer reviewed by people the company also pays, and consistent with what the company hoped the findings would be.
The study joins a growing body of research demonstrating that scientific conclusions correlate strongly with who signs the check. A follow up, funded by a mattress company, is expected to find that lying down is the leading cause of success.