A local sports franchise announced this week that it would relocate unless the city, which currently cannot afford to keep its libraries open or its roads intact, built the team a new one billion dollar stadium with public money and a very good parking situation.
The owner, who is personally worth roughly several of the city he is threatening, explained that he simply could not be expected to fund the stadium himself, as his money is currently occupied being extremely large. He assured residents the project would create jobs, chiefly the seasonal job of asking residents for more money.
City leaders, who denied a request for school funding the same afternoon citing tough budget realities, approved the stadium in under an hour. The team celebrated by raising ticket prices, parking prices, and the price of a beer to roughly the cost of a school lunch the city can no longer provide.